


Just One Of Those Things

by dadsBBQparty



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 10:43:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15928796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dadsBBQparty/pseuds/dadsBBQparty
Summary: Bringing a bird into the condo wasn't what Richard was prepared for. This couldn't have been the weirdest thing Jared had done since he moved in, but seeing how happy his boyfriend was made it hard to know how to handle the situation.





	Just One Of Those Things

**Author's Note:**

> I am just so tired with college I'm finally pulling the plug and posting this before I never post it lol. I just wanted to write Jared with a bird, and it turned into this.

It was still surreal for Richard to stand in front of of ‘Jared's' condo with a key in his hand. Unlocking it felt stranger than fiction. Unnatural yet pleasant. Two months ago, he officially moved in. The key was what made it real. Before, it was just spending the night at his boyfriend's home without ever going to his own home. 

He learned a lot about his boyfriend after moving in with him. Jared had his quirks. Tons of them. He found out he was even cleaner with the condo than he was at the Incubator. Maybe it was because it was his own spot. Richard tried to keep it clean. He wasn't a messy person, but he had to get used to Jared wiping down after him when he was eating at the table … or getting used to him vacuuming at three AM. He knew Jared was clean, but he didn't know how clean until his toothbrush was in the bathroom beside Jared’s. Labeled. Speaking of that, he was sure it'd changed colors a few times… 

There were other things to get used to with it being official. Jared was an early riser, but he also stayed up far too late. Richard wondered how he functioned on five hours of sleep, but it was just his thing. He started to sleep through Jared waking up right at sunrise. At least it meant there would be breakfast some days. 

… Then there were the dietary restrictions. Jared was insistent that Richard treat the condo like his own home, but there was the idea floating Richard’s head that Jared would be so much more comfortable in his own home with his original rules intact. He could have any food he wanted in the house, but it felt wrong. He started to adapt to Jared’s weird diet. He didn't like eating food he couldn't share with his boyfriend in their own damn home. It felt mean, considering everything Jared did for him. He never thought he'd adapt to Jared’s weird gluten free nearly vegan diet, but somehow he was managing. 

To sum it up, living in the Incubator with Jared was weird. Living with Jared in his ‘home turf' was weirder. But that must have been what it was like for Jared to live in the Incubator. Richard knew he had his own quirks his boyfriend had to work around. Heaven forbid Jared keep his mouth shut about his nightsweats the few times they happened. 

“Jared?” he called as he stepped inside. It was a day off. The one day they didn't work. Well, that was a lie. The two workaholics always found a way to get something done, even on off days. Even spending the day with Bighead meant that Richard would be coding on the small breaks they had between matches in whatever video game they had been taken by that week, or the forced bouncing ideas off of a brick wall who had no idea what he was talking about. And Jared always had something to tackle. Always something about the company that was causing his dark circles. 

“In here!” 

It wasn't Jared’s voice. It was definitely a male voice, but not one he could recognize. Jared didn't have any guy friends to Richard’s knowledge. Well, he knew _guys_ , but he wasn't known to hang out with very many.

He could hear giggling coming from his stunning, overprotective boyfriend. It set off red flags. It was a special noise. The giggle Jared used when he saw something that he thought was adorable. It was the one he used when the two of then were alone. Don't be jealous yet, Richard reminded himself. 

Oh fuck, it was hard to not be jealous. 

He set his bag down by the front door and walked to the kitchen, following the voices. 

“You are so silly,” he could hear Jared coo. “I'm so glad I'm getting to know you.” 

“Ooooh! _You're_ silly,” the voice replied. 

… Flirting right in front of him? What the fuck? Richard took a deep breath before turning the corner. Chest puffed up defensively, he prepared to argue with whatever hunk Jared had in the kitchen. 

“Who the fuck is in our kitchen, Jared?!” Richard exclaimed as he walked towards the counter. 

Oh, fuck. Reality hit. 

Jared had a glass of water wrapped in his bony fingers, leaning next to the kitchen sink. Sitting on top of the sink was a small bird. A little grey cockatiel. 

The smile on Jared’s face was smug. One Richard rarely saw. 

“Were you jealous, Richard?” he asked in that tone that was just so sweet yet so devilish. If Richard wouldn't have been so confused about the damn bird, he would have hopped up on the counter himself. 

“N-No,” he said, his shoulders slouching as he stared at the curious cockatiel. “I-” 

“This is Eugene. You remember my friend Gloria? One of her friends sadly passed away, and he was his bird. I told her I would take care of him,” Jared said, his eyes softening as he looked at the bird. “He's very friendly. He's been well socialized.” 

“Y-You brought home a bird without even texting me?” Richard asked quietly, his brow furrowing. “Wh-What if it flies, Jared? It-It-” 

“Hello,” the bird interrupted, it's crown raising as it looked toward Richard. 

“Sorry, Richard. I should have probably texted you, but I wanted to meet him first… then, look at him! I fell in love so hard I couldn't think straight… I was so distracted,” he sighed, his hand gently resting on his chest. “... Almost like when I met you.” 

Fuck, he had to say that. Richard was powerless in this situation. 

“Jared…” 

“I understand if you don't want a bird. I know this must not feel like your home, and I shouldn't impose a bird on you… I'm sorry I-” 

Richard sighed, his head falling at the comment. He couldn't look at those puppy dog eyes. “N-No, keep the bird…” he breathed out. 

Would it be selfish to tell him he didn't like birds? He couldn't stand them. The talking, the flying, the beaks. Maybe it was from watching The Birds a few too many times when he was younger. He couldn't even stand their beady eyes. Soulless creatures designed to bring misery. 

Although, he loved seeing how happy Jared looked when he stared at the cursed thing. 

“Oh, Richard, thank you,” Jared sighed, heavy with relief. He'd obviously been worried about this. Maybe he didn't text him earlier because he was scared of hearing no. It wasn't like him to forget the twelve hundred warning texts and reminders. “Don't worry. I'll take care of him, you won't have to worry abou-” 

The bird flew onto the kitchen island. A small jump from the sink, but it was enough to send Richard crashing to the floor for safety. 

“Hello,” the creature said again. “How are you doing?” 

“He's not doing well,” Jared sighed, setting down the glass before rushing to Richard’s side. He placed a hand on his back, trying to calm him down with a sigh. “Richard…” 

“I'm sorry,” Richard groaned, pulling his hands off the top of his head. Duck and cover. That was his first thought. Like the small bird was a damn bomb. “I just… need to get used to that…” 

“I don't want you to be living in constant anxiety… I love you. If it's a problem-” 

“No, Jared…” Richard said, starting to sit up slowly. “You give up so much. I can make adjustments this time…” 

Oh no. 

Oh no, he was going to start crying. 

Richard sighed softly, opening up his arms as Jared absolutely turned to liquid in them. And of course this was just reminding him of how much he loved the taller man. He could handle a small little demon for his (totally not biased) favorite coworker… 

\---

“You look… exhausted,” Bighead muttered through the speakers of Richard’s headphones. 

“Yeah. It's a relief you can see how tired I am through Piperchat’s features,” Richard grumbled as he rubbed his eyes. He was laying on the couch while Jared cooked dinner in kitchen. He glanced towards his boyfriend and noticed he was letting the bird taste test something.

This was so weird. 

“Is it the bird?” he asked him. 

“It's always that thing,” Richard whispered. Not that Jared could hear them. He was too busy playing music for the bird. James Brown. Who plays music for a bird? “He's inseparable from that thing. He doesn't like to cage it either- if he's home, he lets that thing out until we go to bed… Last night, we were on the couch and-” 

“No details.” 

“The bird grabbed my hair and scared the shit out of me,” Richard grumbled. 

“Is it any better than before?” Bighead asked him. He let out a small laugh. “But like, to be fair, your boyfriend's really… Jared-like to begin with… This can't be that unexpected…” 

Oh, Bighead didn't know the half of it. 

“I'm kind of getting used to the flying, I guess. It doesn't send me to the floor anymore, but I still tense up…” 

“You know, realistically… that thing's smaller than your foot... What damage can it do to you?”

“I'm not gonna hurt it!” Richard said in a panic. 

Bighead looked taken aback. “I never said you would… Just reminding you it's not like it's a giant parrot or something.” 

Jared was scratching Eugene’s neck, cooing something at him in the kitchen. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck, why did Richard have to love him so much. He was too cute. 

“I hate birds…” he muttered into the microphone. 

“You hate everything that moves,” Bighead reminded him. “Well, not everything… and I mean you're just scared of everything-” 

“I'm leaving now,” Richard grumbled. Bighead forced a goodbye wave before their conversation was ended. Richard shut the laptop and looked back at the kitchen. “Jared?” he shouted over the music. 

The dork dancing in the kitchen paused the music and turned to look at the apple of his eye. Whatever look he gave that bird, it couldn't have been as intoxicating as the looks he gave Richard. 

He stood up from the couch, walking over to the kitchen. He was careful on his feet, his eyes darting between Jared and the creature. 

“What's on your mind?” Jared asked quietly, reaching out to take his partner’s hand as he pulled him close. He set his other hand on his hip, and soon Richard forgot what was on his mind. 

“You're just cute,” he breathed out, crumbling under his touch. “You should kiss me…” 

And kiss him he did. So gentle, caring, passionate, hungry… 

The kissing turned to gentle biting, and Jared pressed Richard against the counter. 

Which was the worst thing he could have done. 

“Hi.” 

Richard jerked away from Jared, startling both him and the bird. Eugene hissed in his direction, backing off. That wasn't what startled Richard the most, though. Jared grabbed his other wrist, tightening his grip on his hand. Richard was pinned against the counter, and if he wouldn't have known his boyfriend so well, he would have thought he was conspiring with the bird. The look on his face was stern, almost scared. 

“Richard-!” 

His face softened as he realized what he was doing. He loosened his grip, but Richard stayed in place. “I-I’m sorry, Richard…” he whispered. “You startled me…” 

“I know,” he sighed quietly. “Are you okay…?” 

“I'm fine,” Jared whispered in return. He let go of his wrist, cupping Richard’s cheek gently. “Are you…?” 

Richard wasn't going to even pretend to understand what his boyfriend had gone through. He knew it was far worse than handling a scary fucking bird. He closed his eyes, still on edge due to being near the bird. The warmth of Jared’s hand could minimize his stress so fast even so. “I'm fine, Jared…” 

“I know you don't like Eugene, but please realize he likes you… Will you listen to me a moment?” Richard nodded. “You'll hate this, but I want you to touch him…” 

Richard opened his eyes, shaking his head quickly. His heart sank at the disappointed look on his boyfriend's face. 

“I think it'll be beneficial… I used to be scared of mice until I was living in a basement that was littered with them… Handling a mouse when I was younger helped me grow out of my fear… I just think if you touch Eugene, you'll see he's harmless…” 

He wanted to argue with his pleading but there wasn't much to go on. 

There shouldn't have been anything scary about hearing the word ‘banana', but Richard still jumped. He turned to face the bird. The terrifying bird that was probably smaller than his own hand and completely docile. “Banana,” he said again, making Jared laugh quietly. 

Jared reached out, his fingers half folded against his palm. The bird set its beak on the counter, allowing Jared to use his forefingers to scratch his neck gently. “He can't reach his neck when grooming himself, and this helps him take care of some of the feathers. You should try, Richard. He'll appreciate it.” 

Richard trembled as Jared continued scratching Eugene. As he drew closer, Jared’s hand began to shift out of the way ever so slightly until he was close enough to touch him. Jared’s hand moved away, and before Eugene lifted his head, Richard was gently petting his neck with his finger. There was the obvious fact Richard had no idea what he was doing, but neither Jared nor the bird seemed to care much about that fact. 

“He's soft, isn't he?” Jared asked quietly. 

“He is,” Richard whispered reluctantly. He froze in fear as the cockatiel moved his head, grabbing his finger with his beak. He wanted to scream in pain, but he realized it didn't hurt. He was gentle, almost as if he was just trying to hold his finger. 

“He's just trying to tell you to scratch him harder, but I won't make you do that,” Jared said, reaching out to Eugene again. The bird put his head back down as Jared scratched his pin feathers, and Richard took his hand back. “That wasn't bad, was it?” 

“Not terrible,” Richard said nervously. 

“Good,” Jared whispered, leaning over to press a gentle kiss on Richard’s cheek. 

\----

It was late when Richard came home. He walked to the kitchen to set the muffins he purchased earlier in their proper place. The ones he brought home were gluten free, of course. He'd been craving pastries earlier that day, which led to him meeting Dinesh at the bakery down the street right before they closed. He never thought he'd crave gluten so much. 

“You know you can like… bring those home,” Dinesh had said to him as he shoved gluten muffins into his mouth at an alarming rate. 

“Jared,” Richard replied. 

“You really think that walking skeleton is going to care if you bring home bread? You're putting those rules on yourself,” Dinesh argued with him. 

“It's his condo, I don't wanna-” 

The confused look on his face had quietened Richard. “You're sharing it,” he said calmly. “It's your place too, right?” 

“Right.” 

“Then why follow every rule you're making up for yourself?” Dinesh asked. 

Well, Richard thought to himself. The food restrictions were absolutely created by him. Jared didn't care what he ate as long as he didn't kill himself while eating it. There was just something subconscious about bringing the food into Jared’s space. It felt disrespectful. But what would Dinesh know? 

The topic was about food, but he couldn't keep it from going to the bird. The bird that made every part of his body shiver with anxiety. The little creature that could, no, would probably rip out his eyes given the chance. Fuck, was he going to have to say something to Jared? 

He heard the shower running, and the thoughts disappeared from his mind. He wouldn't mind a shower. 

He walked down the hall, picking his hand up to knock on the door. 

“J-” 

“You are such a goofy man!” Jared exclaimed over the running water. Laughter filled the room, and it wasn't just belonging to his boyfriend. “You silly goose!” 

“Water,” the bird muttered. 

“Of course,” his boyfriend replied to the bird. 

Richard sighed and turned to walk away from the door, but the door wasn't shut completely. Being a product of the fast, cheap modern building, it creaked open further.

“Richard? Is that you?” Jared called out. 

“N-No, it's just someone here to murder you, Jared,” Richard replied, sighing due to the fact he was caught. 

“That's funny,” Jared followed. He could hear his dorky, melodic laughter over the shower. “Do you want to join your murder victim? I'm so vulnerable!” 

He took it too far as usual, but Richard was used to it. “Sure,” he said quietly as he stepped into the bathroom. Just in time to see Jared’s hand reach up to place the demon on the curtain rod. It's beady eyes glared into his soul, and his rosy, happy cheeks reminded him death was imminent. 

“Will my lovely boyfriend know that I've been sullied by another man before you murder me? Are you going to mark me so he's aware?” Jared laughed, making Richard furrow his brow. He hung his hoodie up behind the door as he started unbuttoning his shirt. “Will you trail my organs around the house?” 

“Jared, what the fuck?” Richard whispered. 

“Hi,” Eugene interrupted, reminding Richard immediately of his presence. Almost as if to say, ‘You're scared of _me_?’ 

Yeah. Yeah, he was. Scared of the small thing that had never said anything threatening while his actual boyfriend was making murder jokes in excruciating detail. 

“Hi,” he replied as he hung up his shirt before taking off his undershirt. 

“Oh yeah, Richard,” Jared said, dropping the whole murder thing finally. “I talked to some of our empl-” 

“Jared,” he groaned loudly in an attempt to shut him up. That was probably the most terrifying thing. How Jared could always turn sexy moments into a discussion about work. “Can it wait until after the shower?” 

\----

 

It was one of those mornings where Jared was out and about before Richard was even out of bed. He eventually made it to the kitchen, poured himself coffee that Jared had brewed before he left, and flung himself down on the couch. 

His laptop booted up, and he blindly went to work as he typically would. 

He wished he could install something inside of him to wake himself up as fast as his laptop worked every morning. Even when it was slow, it was so much faster than him. 

He took a sip of coffee and yawned as he set it back down. He was tired but not enough to neglect the coaster, thankfully. He didn't want to relive the passive aggressive, smiley, ‘It's fine, honey. It's just a ring… on the wood…’ 

He rested his head back on the couch and feared that his eyes would close. Just as they were, he could feel something pulling his hair. 

Shit, he was awake. He sat up and turned his head, his eyes widening at the bird beside him. He had _never_ been alone with him before. 

“Hi,” the cockatiel said quietly. “Good morning.” 

“G-Good… morning…” Richard said hesitantly. He stared in awe as the bird set his head down gently against the couch cushion, inching closer to him. Ugh, even though he tried to ignore the thing, he knew from his behavior with Jared that he wanted him to scratch him. 

Should he do it? Should he not? 

The bird looked up at him, waiting. 

“Y-You better not fucking bite me, thing,” Richard whispered as he reached out to him. His index finger gently scratched the small monster’s neck, and he finally realized how soft his feathers were. This little hellspawn melted against his touch, lowering himself as he relaxed into the touch.

Fuck. Fuck… Shit, it was cute… 

His phone started buzzing in his pocket, and Richard worried that it was going to anger the beast. He stared at him, realizing the bird didn't care before he picked up his phone, checking the text. 

Jared <3: HONEY. I AM SO SORRY. I FORGOT TO PUT EUGENE BACK IN HIS CAGE. ARE YOU OKAY? I AM SO SORRY!! LEAVE HIM OUT, AND I WILL BE HOME SOON TO TAKE CARE OF IT! 

Jared <3: also I love you so much, baby. Thank you for the muffins this morning. I'll make something special for dinner to make up for all of this. I'll cover you in kisses if you let me too. 

Jared <3: I'm so sorry about the bird, my lovely CEO. xoxo I'll be leaving in a second. 

Richard sighed, looking at the bird. He moved his hand, and the cockatiel looked disappointed at the sudden lack of warm. 

“D-Do you want me to…” 

“What?” 

“Do you want me to tell him to stay there?” 

The bird stared at him blankly. 

“Right, you don't actually understand me…” Richard mumbled as he used both of his hands to text his boyfriend back. 

You: You're OK. Stay there. He's fine. I'll take care of him. He’s shitting on the couch. 

You: sitting** sorry. I meant to say sitting. 

You: But he's probably shitting on the couch too. 

You: Just don't come home. I have it under control. 

You: Unless you have to come home anyways. I'm not telling you to not come home. 

You: Love you, Jared. 

“What are you doing?” the bird asked him, stepping closer. He glanced back at Eugene, sighing quietly as he reached up to resume touching the not-as-scary-as-he-thought monster, watching as he nuzzled against his fingers. 

“Taking care of my boyfriend's bird,” he answered quietly. “Sorry I judged you so hard… You didn't deserve that…” 

He moved his hand away again, returning to the laptop to pick up where he left off. 

“Peanuts.” 

A grin showed up on his lips. He could handle this thing. Maybe he was starting to understand why his boyfriend loved the bird so much. 

A squawk murdered the compassion he felt at that immediate moment, but he was damn certain that progress was being made. 

\---- 

Jared was insistent that the two of them spend time doing something relaxing for at least an hour every night. Richard was almost positive that Jared made that rule just to keep his boyfriend sane to cure his anxiety regarding Richard’s health. Jared was always looking after him, putting Richard’s welfare before anyone else’s. Obviously, he cared about other people, but Richard still wondered how far Jared would go for him… Quickly, he tried to brush those ideas aside once they started going south. 

It was Richard’s turn to plan dinner. Jared almost always cooked, but Richard never did anything of the sort. He could probably make ramen, but then Jared couldn’t eat it. The first week they lived together, Jared cooked every night. Slowly, Richard was putting his foot down even though he deeply appreciated how much the love of his life took care of him. 

So tonight, it was pizza. Granted, for the third time this week, but it was Richard’s decision. 

Jared was waiting for him in the kitchen when he came home. Eugene was dangling off his fingers, swinging upside down while Jared kept his eyes on him to make sure he was safe. After his bonding moment with the bird earlier that day, Richard wasn’t ready to drop the pizza and run, but it still made him uneasy to see this sight. 

“D-Doesn’t that hurt? The claws, I mean,” Richard mumbled as he set the pizza down. 

“Maybe to someone who’s not used to it,” Jared said with a smile, setting Eugene down on the counter. “Two pizzas?” 

“Y-Yeah,” Richard said quietly as he began to open the boxes. Eugene hopped on top of the open lid to wander towards the pizza. Jared furrowed his brow as the bird tried to take a bite of the crust. Alas, he allowed the bird a bite, but he didn’t seem very comfortable with it. “S-Shoo, Eugene,” Richard said quietly, and Jared took the chance to move his bird away from the greasy food. 

“What did you get?” he asked quietly. 

“U-Uh,” Richard whispered, his cheeks starting to heat up. It was obvious what he got, and he knew that Jared knew. He wanted him to spell it out. “Pepperoni, and I got your regular… Gluten free, vegan cheese with veggies…” 

Jared fell silent, and Richard grew worried as he looked at his boyfriend. Was this going to end up being their first real fight in the condo? Over pizza?

It felt like an eon before Jared spoke. He let out a deep sigh, lowering his shoulders as he relaxed. “Oh, Richard… I was wondering when you’d finally get food that _you_ like…” 

“Pardon?” Richard asked quickly, his eyebrows raising. 

“I _know_ my food isn’t your favorite,” Jared explained quietly, a smile growing on his lips. “I just… never could understand why you’d pretend to like it. It makes me feel happy that you’re finally starting to be yourself again…” He set the bird back down, picking a bell pepper off of his pizza to hand to him. “I would prefer you tell me the honest truth about everything,” he said, reaching out to take one of Richard's hands to hold in his own after he fed the bird. 

Richard squeezed his hand momentarily to tell him he was listening but then withdrew, letting out a sigh. 

“Jared, I love you… I'll be okay with the bird,” he whispered, watching his boyfriend's eyes soften. “You've done the weirdest shit for me. I think I can handle a tiny little screaming thing for you.”

“Oh, Richard… I couldn't ask for anything more,” he whimpered in response. Richard couldn't understand what warranted that reaction in his words, but all that mattered was that Jared was happy. He stepped closer to him, leaning down to press a gentle kiss upon his lips. Richard kissed him back gently. 

“Cookie?” 

This time, Richard was almost prepared to hear the bird speak. Jared pulled away from his lips, sighing at the bird. 

“No, you can go eat your actual dinner,” he mumbled as he picked up the bird, pointing him in the right direction to fly to his cage. 

He would get used to it, but Richard still clung to Jared the moment he saw the bird fly. 

“Richard, all I want is for you to be yourself,” Jared continued, immediately focusing his attention back on his boyfriend. “Even if you're terrified of birds, that's fine, because I love you for you. Not because of what you eat or what kind of animals you like-” 

“J-Jared…” Richard stammered, sighing out loud. 

“You don't… like animals much, do you?” Jared asked him hesitantly. “I mean, I understand. I have a severe cat allergy, and-” 

“W-Wait,” Richard interrupted, putting his hands up quickly to keep him from continuing. “A cat allergy- we took care of Bighead’s cat two weeks ago at his apartment…” 

“Yes, I spent most of the time in the bathroom washing my eyes,” Jared said with an all too eager smile. “But I don't mind-” 

“No,” Richard said quickly. He exhaled deeply before he shook his head. “Jared, if I'm going to be more comfortable here, I want you to stop doing things that actually fucking cause you pain… C-Can you do that, please, Jared?” 

Jared nodded. It was hesitant, but it was a nod. 

“Can we just each say one thing that drives us nuts about living with each other?” Richard whispered. “Because- we…” 

“Of course,” Jared said quietly. “Although, I must admit, I truly do enjoy our time together… I love you, Richard… I wouldn't change you-” 

“Just on the count of three. One, two, three-” 

“You're so messy in the bathroom. You _never_ turn off the showerhead when you're done in the shower, and I always get sprayed with water-” 

“Jared, I hate it when you expect me to know when you're upset when you don't tell me-” 

They both looked at each other. Richard’s mind was moving a mile a minute. 

It went even faster when Jared beamed at him. Just fucking grinned like an idiot. 

“W-Whoa! That's kind of empowering,” he said cheerfully as if the two of them were doing something other than complaining about the other. 

“Wh-What?” Richard said quietly. He watched his boyfriend for a moment before he started laughing at the cheerful look at his face. “J-Jared… I love you. You're so fucking weird,” he mumbled quietly, letting his head fall in his hand. 

Okay, okay. If he could handle this, he could handle the bird. It was all going to be okay.


End file.
